Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
