I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
