A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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