Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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