i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
