If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
