do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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