When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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