I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
