Cold hands, warm shart.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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