How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
