OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
