A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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