Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
