The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's blow job season.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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