Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
