Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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