She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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