Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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