So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
