around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
