What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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