It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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