new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
