He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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