can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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