i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
