she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
