dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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