Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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