I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
