no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
