You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
