three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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