he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
