If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Randomize
