I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
