he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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