ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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