she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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