is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
