How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
