I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
