first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
