it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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