highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
