woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
