okay pat passed out under dana's car
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Randomize
