Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
