i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
