He felt like a one man threesome
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
